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another meeting, another trainwreck.

I may be embellishing, but not by a whole lot - this is pretty much how I remember the conversation:
    manager:
    And what are you working on today?

    self:
    Well, I finished up that interface improvement I was scripting yesterday, so I thought I'd impliment it in a dozen places before lunch and make everyone's jobs easier. Also, I think I've finally got a handle on how to make our data entry pages more dynamic. As it stands, there's a handful of queries that someone has to go in and edit every month, and I'd like to do away with that, 'cause I'm all about reducing administrative overhead. But that one can wait until Monday if it has to - I'm going to link our rental and lease invoices into the database so we can print 'em in batches and keep track of payments, which just seems like a higher priority.

    manager:
    Wait a minute. What about sample ads?

    self:
    **looks to the graphic lead, who would logically be in charge of such a thing.**

    graphic lead:
    ** looks back expectantly.**

    self:
    I don't know what you're talking about.

    manager:
    What?

    self:
    These words are foreign to me. What sample ads? What is a sample ad? Why are you asking me about sample ads?

    manager:
    We need them in the database.

    self:
    What? Why? I don't understand what you're saying.

    manager:
    So, you're not done with that yet, then?

    self:
    Tell me what you need, and I'll make it happen so fast it'll make your head spin.

    graphic lead:
    You will make it happen? Am I understanding correctly that you haven't been working on this at all?

    self:
    None of you are communicating! I don't know what you want. And I'd like you to note that the reason everyone at this meeting looks so confused right now is that they don't either.

    manager:
    You haven't been working on it?

    self:
    Every day, we have these meetings. I say what I'm working on, and you write it down. So, check your notes. If you don't have it on paper, I haven't been working on it.

    graphic lead:
    You said you were working on the database!

    self:
    I have been. I've done a lot of work on the database. I'm the database administrator. Working on the database is actually part of my job description.

    manager:
    You haven't been working on the database?

    self:
    What did I just say?

    manager:
    So, you have been working on the database.

    self:
    Yes!

    graphic lead:
    Don't scare us like that.

    self:
    But I haven't been working on sample ads.

    graphic lead:
    Again with the scaring.

    self:
    ...because I don't know what they are.

    graphics lead:
    Will you stop saying that?

    manager:
    Look. Just pretend someone's bought some ads. Put their information in the database, and make sure it does everything it's supposed to.

    self:
    Okay. This makes more sense. You've arbitrarily given a name to past conversations and assumed this would change their outcome. Let me remind you of what that was: I can't make sure things do what they're supposed to until you decide what they're supposed to do.

    manager:
    I thought you were working on that.

    self:
    On you deciding how you want things to function so I can impliment them?

    manager:
    Yes.

    self:
    I haven't been.

    manager:
    Could you today?

    self:
    No.

    manager
    And why not?

    self:
    Because I'm not you.

    manager:
    I don't understand.

    self:
    I need you to tell me what you want.

    manager:
    I want sample ads.

    self:
    And when I put some into the database, what would you like to have happen?

    manager:
    For everything to work.

    self:
    Everything works. It's worked for months. It just doesn't do what you want it to do, because we don't know what that is.

    manager:
    But it works?

    self:
    Within the framework of it's only function being to store information until someone tells me what they'd like done with it, yes.

    manager:
    Yes, it works?

    self:
    Yes, it works.

    manager:
    Great! That's all we wanted to hear.

    self:
    Can I go back to helping the company collect money owed to us now?

    manager:
    No! What did we just talk about? I don't care about accounting. I want sample ads.

    self:
    Then, that's what you'll get.

    manager:
    And they'll do everything they're supposed to?

    self:
    Until you say otherwise.

    manager:
    Why would I say otherwise?

    self:
    Because it's going to bother you that they don't do anything.

    manager:
    I don't understand.

    self:
    We have a form. It fills a table. That's all it does.

    manager:
    And what do we want it to do?

    self:
    Well, ideally there'd be queries and reports to make use of this information.

    manager:
    I like this so far. Can you make those?

    self:
    Conceptually, yes. But in practice, I'm really going to need you to tell me what kind of results you're looking for.

    manager:
    So, what's the holdup?

    self:
    That would be you, sir.

    manager:
    Hmm. We'll check in on you tomorrow. Moving on.. What are you working on today?

I am so getting fired on Monday.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
coolbean98
Dec. 20th, 2002 03:47 pm (UTC)
Would it be totally out of line if I said your manager is a complete moron?
self
Dec. 20th, 2002 04:42 pm (UTC)
Compare our salaries - he must be doin' SOMETHING right.
Nope!

It'd only be out of line if -I- said it.

But you don't work for him, so..
            Get in line.

                         =)
easilyforgotten
Dec. 20th, 2002 05:02 pm (UTC)
idiot is the word that comes to mind.
(pst: i added you. it's time to meet new people?)
akatalin
Dec. 21st, 2002 12:13 am (UTC)
....
that is so odd like , surreal it seems like ....
speedball
Dec. 29th, 2002 12:18 am (UTC)
Wow...
Your boss is reading Dilbert, obviously...

Unfortunately, he's found the wrong role-model.

Kurt
mcw_jas
Jan. 1st, 2003 02:07 am (UTC)
So funny.. reminds me of...
David Ives... It's like listening to "Sure Thing" just all gone to hell... Very amusing, and I can't believe it ACTUALLY happened... That's just sad.
el_sharra
Jan. 24th, 2003 05:30 am (UTC)
Well, jumping to random live journals does do one thing- it makes me very happy that I don't have your job. You have my condolances (or you will when I stop laughing)
self
Jan. 24th, 2003 10:05 am (UTC)
take inspiration where you can find it
So often, we say "I'll look back on this and laugh someday", but then block the horrible memory so we can move on with our lives. It becomes a missed opportunity; so much unfulfilled potential.

Hence, the journal.

Because someday, I too will be glad I don't have this job. And when the time comes to look back on it and laugh, I will have this to remind me.

=)
el_sharra
Jan. 24th, 2003 10:04 pm (UTC)
Re: take inspiration where you can find it
A definate good use for your live Journal- it could save you hundreds of dollars in years to come avoiding the pycotherepists and thier ilk- you'll aready know the tramatic events that shaped your life.
self
Jan. 24th, 2003 10:59 pm (UTC)
only hundreds? discount therapy!
Sadly, my journal's only a few years old. I've got undocumented trauma running back as far as kindergarten, maybe further...
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )