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Under Construction

Every time I try to post something with any substance, it ends up filling screen after screen with text. There's just too much to say, and no easy way to get through it.

The problem is that I haven't reached any conclusions myself. So I wander aimlessly - is it any wonder I can't get to the point?

I don't post those publicly. They're all rough drafts, awaiting clarity.

And that's why you've heard so little from me lately.

...it's been a substantial month.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 11th, 2002 12:37 pm (UTC)
I'll just have to take your word on that...
You know you don't always have to reach a conclusion when you write a journal entry...Just look at my journal.

Aug. 11th, 2002 11:57 pm (UTC)
My journal is not like yours.
I often don't. But that's a different type of journal entry.

When something's prominent on my mind, I feel dishonest opening up other subjects. Partially because I'm taking the easy way out and cheating the issue, but more because I feel it's a form of lying.

You suggest I should post my concerns without conclusion, but when other people are involved, I need to know where I stand before I open my mouth. If I post here, I might as well be talking to 'em directly, which immediately escalates the situation and makes it all the more important that I know what outcome I'm aiming for. And what I want is contingent upon so many if/then statements, I'm beginning to think my life was more stable before.

Just once, I'd like to have a simple answer to "What's up?" or "How are you?"

Is that so much to ask for?
Aug. 12th, 2002 12:15 am (UTC)
Granted, and yet...
I find it easier to figure out what I want, and how to get it when I have someone to talk it out with. Not that I take their opinions as my own, necessarily (although sometimes I do), but at the very least, they make a good sounding board to help me cement my feelings, and get into words what is currently still a concept in my head.

Simple answers: Yes, that is so much to ask for, unless you're willing to bullshit like the rest of us. Those aren't simple questions, in reality, but society has turned them into neutral greetings, which means we have to come up with neutral answers...

"Not much. You?"

There are exceptions to that of course, but it's usually made pretty obvious by tone of voice when someone's just starting a conversation, and when someone is interested in the details of what's actually going on...

Aug. 12th, 2002 01:20 am (UTC)
Yup. Thought of that. And that.
I have plenty of people to talk to. But they're pretty much biased towards the simple answers they've seen in TV and Movies. When you're finished explaining why none of those solutions are applicable, they acknowledge that "that's a problem" and walk away. Or, they cut right to the heart of it by asking "Well, what do you want?" which would actually be useful if the problem wasn't my inability to figure that out. People should assume that the person they're talking to has thought through all the obvious responses before coming to them, but they don't, and they're not prepared with a whole lot beyond that.

That's not to say I don't bother trying. Just that I shouldn't, and really know better.

But ignoring all of that, the fact remains that this is a public forum, and word will always get back to the people involved. Whether or not there's value in talking to someone, it's not always a good idea to do so here.

But more to the point, I'm stuck at "State the problem." Until I've got that part worked out, I can't even logistically begin such a conversation. I'm incapable of presenting the question, 'cause I don't know what it is.

All I'm saying, is that I'd like just once for the neutral answers to be true...
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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