- self: ...I'd give him the change, but he'd only eat it.
ego: Stupid kid. There's no nutrition in that.
self: Don't knock it - that's all I ate through so many years of school.
ego: This explains a lot.
self: I asked for food, the parents gave me lunch money. What was I supposed to do?
ego: Buy lunch?
self: Oh yeah, huh.
ego: At least they didn't give you a lunch monkey.
self: I would have killed for a lunch monkey! All the other kids had one.
self: Sure. The cafeteria was up in a tree. If you couldn't climb, you sent your lunch monkey.
ego: And it would get your lunch for you?
self: Not me. I never had one.
ego: That sucks.
- teacher: Aren't you going to get your lunch?
student: But the cafeteria's so high up!
teacher: Tell me about it. I have to swim through the snake pit every day to get my coffee.
student: I'm so hungry...
teacher: Yeah, looks like you're screwed.
(The boy's companion, a cartoon monkey, clamors for attention)
monkey: Aren't you forgetting something?
student: Lunch Monkey!
(The monkey scurries up the tree, and returns with a heaping tray of goodness. He has, of course, selected a nice banana for himself.)
student: Thank you, Lunch Monkey!
(teacher and monkey wink conspiratorially at the camera for no apparent reason)
- self: ...and they'd always run that commercial during my favorite shows, just to mock me.
ego: They were trying to advertize their product. Not everything's about you, you know..
self: Then why'd the president of the station call first every time to make sure I was watching?
ego: That is kind of strange...
self: To this day, that commercial haunts me. "Thank you, Lunch Monkey!"
self: Even so, you should probably buy one for your son when he starts school.
ego: I don't think they make them anymore.
self: Why not?
ego: The monkeys started throwing feces at people. PR nightmare.
self: Great. How are kids supposed to get their food down now?
ego: The old way, I guess.