Everything's thicker. Boldface. It doesn't make a lot of sense why this should be so, but apparently my problems were nothing like I had envisioned them.
New glasses show up in 7-10 days. I'm guessing they'll be hideous, 'cause I obviously needed corrective lenses when I picked 'em out.
It should also be noted that the glasses I refused to wear twelve years ago were bifocal, making me both nearsighted and farsighted. This is significant because, as it turns out, I am neither nearsighted nor farsighted.
So, either my prescription was totally off, or my eyes were able to slowly fix themselves without the interference of corrective lenses. Either way, I wish we hadn't given money to that particular optometrist.