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Dad asks me at dinner:
    "Why would you want to design a game based on something you know absolutely nothing about?"

I suppose it's an honest question, but no good can come of asking such things.

I've spent countless hours researching the subject. I'm not stupid, and I don't pursue goals blindly or in ignorance. I treat my time as a conservative investment. And none of this is consistant with the assumptions inherent in that question.

So, I opt to change subjects rather than tear my father's head off and stomp on it until the police show up. But this has undesired side effects: in not defending my honor, I project the message that I have none.

He shifts tactics, but maintains pursuit.
    "Did you ever follow up on _______?"

About six months ago, the parents pressured me into applying for a job at a company that simply wasn't hiring. The HR director agreed to put my resume on file in case something opened up. I've called in once or twice to confirm that they're still not hiring, and remarkably enough, I still don't work for them.

I explain this. Again. Which prompts similar questions with similar answers. And I think I've found the pattern: Rather than create opportunity and build towards the future, I'm supposed to hope that the past will change.

It's bad enough that he thinks my plans are delusional, but to offer more delusion as an alternative? No, thanks.

End result: Dad walks away frustrated and I walk away doubting myself. And what sucks is that no other outcome was possible.


self portrait (escher)
some guy

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