some guy (self) wrote,
some guy

  • Mood:

I pity us.

Relationships are doomed.

Not all of them, mind you, but the vast majority.

It's a sad sort of double standard, really. We disqualify our friends as potential mates.

"That's not true," I can hear you say. "I've dated lots of friends before."

No. You've dated acquaintences. And you define 'friendship' way too loosely.

Seriously, check the dictionary:
Word History:
A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus “friend” and am “I love” is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos “friend” and phile“I love.” In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frond, the Old English word for “friend,” was simply the present participle of the verb fron, “to love.” The Germanic root behind this verb is *fr-, which meant “to like, love, be friendly to.” Closely linked to these concepts is that of “peace,” and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, “peaceful ruler,” and Siegfried, ”victory peace.” The root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, “day of Frigg,” from an ancient translation of Latin Veneris dis, “day of Venus.”

Real friendship has an emotional core. There's a closeness to it that isn't always comfortable. Your acquaintances barely know you, but you can never fool a friend.

Once a potential couple achieves actual friendship, it's almost inevitable that one of them will want to push further, and the other will recoil in horror. Common rejections along these lines are "We can't go out - I know you too well", and "You'd be great to marry, but I'm just looking to date right now."

That last one's important. Who is it we're eliminating? We're ruling out anyone we've proven compatible with, and hoping the stranger we end up with won't abuse us too horribly.

The need for danger and mystery in a relationship is both arrogant and stupid. Arrogant because every person we've ever met is complex beyond our ability to ever fully understand, and stupid because these qualities so often lead to permanent damage.

And yet, that's usually the rationale. I suppose it's easier than admitting you're vulnerable, but you only prove that by trying to hide it. So, this person knows your weak spots. They also understand exactly what they're doing when they hurt you, so it stands to reason that hurting you is completely unthinkable to them.

Your friends understand that you're a real person. They respect your individuality, and care how you feel. The absence of these qualities make up the vast majority of relationship complaints. And yet, nobody seems to understand that these ideas are connected.

Emotions are volatile. When things aren't going well, both halves of a relationship are scary to be around. Bad things happen.

Not every relationship ends in disaster. I acknowledge this. Some end in friendship, and some don't even end. The point is, though, that our methods of selection aren't exactly conducive to success.

You are lucky to find the right person. Extremely lucky. But only because you throw common sense out the window. Why rely so heavily on luck? It boggles the mind...

(Hopefully, this rant won't come across as me just being bitter. I'm in Vulcan mode. Honest!)
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