February 14th, 2006

self portrait (escher)

good times call for bad advice

If your friends or co-workers don't seem to be in a very good mood right now, you can make it worse by asking "What are your big plans for Valentines Day?" Use an upbeat and confident tone, without a trace of sarcasm, but also allowing no possibility that they might not have anything to look forward to this evening.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of this, you can make them regret it, but you'll need a straight face and utmost composure. Simply lean in to about an inch from their face, glance at their lips, lock eye contact, and quietly say "Nothing I couldn't cancel."

This is especially powerful if you're not of a gender they'd ever go after, and if they're surrounded by peers.
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