September 2nd, 2004

self portrait (escher)

Lord help me, I've come up with a Sniglet.

(I thought I'd get this one out of the way quickly, since it's only two lines. Didn't really work out that way)

    Graphoto:
    Unauthorized drawing on public surfaces, by use of a laser pen.
So, now there's a name for it.


And just for you, a bonus FAQ entry:
    Q: Hey, what's the plural of "graffiti"?

    A: That is the plural. "Graffito" is the single version. One graffito, two graffiti. Moron.
Thus, the plural of Graphoto is probably Graphoti, if you want to truly annoy your friends.


But, why stop there? The plural of "photo", we might say to be "photi", and insist on pronouncing that "fish."

Like so:
    them:
    I took some pictures. Wanna see?

    us:
    Hmm. Nice fish.

    them:
    I beg your pardon?

    us:
    Photi. The plural of photo. Pronounced "fish". Take the "p h" sound from "phonetic", the "o" sound from "women", and the "t i" sound from "nation", and that's what you get. Fish.

    them:
    You mean "p h" as in "photos", the plural of "photo". And you're an idiot.

    us:
    Huh.

    them:
    It was more clever when George Bernard Shaw did it, using "g h" as in "laugh". "P h" is too obvious. If you're going to steal someone else's material, at least get it right.

    us:
    Sorry.

    them:
    Don't apologize to me. It's George Bernard Shaw you've wronged, and he's been dead for over 50 years, thanks to you.

    us:
    What?

    them:
    You heard me. Murdererer.

    us:
    I wasn't even born yet!

    them:
    I don't want to hear it.
...and, there ends the stream-of-consciousness. Not sure a tidy conclusion's even possible.

But, yeah.. I'd recommend not using any of this in casual conversation. You'll come off as a snob, and they might trace Shaw's death back to you.
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self portrait (escher)

Etymology for Entomologists

    self:
    Man. These botanical names are crazy. Who came up with this stuff?

    god:
    That would be Adam.

    self:
    Really?

    god:
    Sure! That was his job. I'd make things, he'd name 'em.

    self:
    So, Adam spoke Latin.

    god:
    No. Latin came later. Tower of Babel, remember.

    self:
    Ah.

      ...

    self:
    What language did Adam speak?

    god:
    Hebrew, of course.

    self:
    Couldn't be. We know Sumerian was around much earlier than that, and I think Akkadian is the earliest language we have any record of.

    god:
    Let's just split the difference and say it was Aramaic.

    self:
    That's a little vague, don't you think? It's like telling people I speak a Romance language, or Asian.

    god:
    But, you do.

    self:
    Not in any practical sense. It narrows the field down, but that doesn't tell a person what words to use if they want to communicate with me.

    god:
    Doesn't it?

    self:
    No.

    god:
    Suit yourself.

      ...

    self:
    Did Adam even have a word for language? Would he need one, with no other languages to compare it to? Did he break down the rules of grammar, or were those pieced together after the fact?

    god:
    If so, he called it "language". But not in English like that. In Aramaic!

    self:
    You're not really God. Are you.

      ...
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