January 9th, 2002

self portrait (escher)

stalemate

Dad asks me at dinner:
    "Why would you want to design a game based on something you know absolutely nothing about?"

I suppose it's an honest question, but no good can come of asking such things.

I've spent countless hours researching the subject. I'm not stupid, and I don't pursue goals blindly or in ignorance. I treat my time as a conservative investment. And none of this is consistant with the assumptions inherent in that question.

So, I opt to change subjects rather than tear my father's head off and stomp on it until the police show up. But this has undesired side effects: in not defending my honor, I project the message that I have none.

He shifts tactics, but maintains pursuit.
    "Did you ever follow up on _______?"

About six months ago, the parents pressured me into applying for a job at a company that simply wasn't hiring. The HR director agreed to put my resume on file in case something opened up. I've called in once or twice to confirm that they're still not hiring, and remarkably enough, I still don't work for them.

I explain this. Again. Which prompts similar questions with similar answers. And I think I've found the pattern: Rather than create opportunity and build towards the future, I'm supposed to hope that the past will change.

It's bad enough that he thinks my plans are delusional, but to offer more delusion as an alternative? No, thanks.

End result: Dad walks away frustrated and I walk away doubting myself. And what sucks is that no other outcome was possible.
  • Current Mood
    irate irate
self portrait (escher)

Snow White just glossed over the whole delimma...

In front of me sits an apple, which has been dipped in caramel, covered with chocolate cookie crumbs, and spattered with melted chocolate on top of that. It was a gift from a friend, which automatically confuses things. On the one hand, I'd like to put it on a shelf and remember them whenever I glance at it. But on the other hand, it's food. If it doesn't complete it's intended purpose, it will degrade into something undesirable, perhaps taking my shelf with it. Surely, that's not what my friend intended. But I'm loathe to destroy a thing of beauty just to satisfy some momentary pleasure. And yet, we've already established such beauty is fleeting. I'd be doing a disservice by not appreciating it to the fullest. So, that settles it. The call of duty will not go unheeded.

...they couldn't have dipped it in bronze instead of caramel?
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry