some guy (self) wrote,
some guy
self

  • Mood:

I hate tech support.

    cable rep:
    How can I help you?

    self:
    You probably can't. I need to be transferred up to second-tier, unless you know anything yourself about how your company's signals are transmitted.

    cable rep:
    I'm sure I can help you. What's the question?

    self:
    I have a device which displays and records TV from a digital cable source, and it can't find any channels through your service. Having spent much of the night researching this, I think your digital signals require a cable box to decrypt where the analog ones do not. I'm seeking confirmation that this is the case so I can decide how to proceed from here. Do you provide a "Clear QAM" signal to your digital cable customers?

    cable rep:
    This device... Is it a television?

    self:
    Try to focus on the encryption part.

    cable rep:
    But, is it a television?

    self:
    Televisions don't record, ma'am. And if the words "Clear QAM" didn't ring a bell, I'm talking to the wrong person.

    cable rep:
    Right. I'm trying to figure out where to transfer you.

    self:
    Upwards in this department. It's a Cable TV support question which isn't in your database, and which you're not qualified to answer.

    cable rep:
    So, it is a television?

    self:
    Let's say for the sake of argument that it's an HDTV which, for some ungodly reason, is incapable of displaying standard NTSC television signals. You've stuck a wire in my wall, which I can confirm carries standard NTSC television signals, and you've upgraded subscription to also include digital programming. I need to know if that's sufficient for what I'm trying to do, or if a second cable box is then required. Does that provide you with the requisite buzzwords?

    cable rep:
    I don't understand.

    self:
    Hence, the "please elevate my call to second-tier" theme running throughout this conversation.

    cable rep:
    This is a television?

    self:
    You're trying to make me say the word "computer" so you can jump to the wrong conclusion.

    cable rep:
    I thought so! That changes everything.

    self:
    This isn't an internet question. I'm very specifically asking about your cable television.

    cable rep:
    But, it's plugged into a computer?

    self:
    It is.

    cable rep:
    Let me transfer you to Intenet Support.

    self:
    No! Stupid! Don't do that!

    internet rep:
    How can I help you?

    self:
    You can transfer me to somebody high enough in the organization to know the difference between a Cable and an Internet question, who will in turn not transfer me back to your department.

    internet rep:
    What seems to be the problem?

    self:
    * much repeating from earlier *

    internet rep:
    That would be a question for Cable support.

    self:
    It is. But they transferred me here rather than to their superiors who could actually help.

    internet rep:
    Hold, please. I'll redirect the call.

    self:
    You know they're going to send me back to you in ten minutes, right?

    on-hold music:
    This is it! Make no mistake where you are -- your back's to the corner...

    self:
    You tryin' to tell me something, Michael McDonald?
...and I'm hung up upon.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 5 comments