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I hate tech support.

    cable rep:
    How can I help you?

    self:
    You probably can't. I need to be transferred up to second-tier, unless you know anything yourself about how your company's signals are transmitted.

    cable rep:
    I'm sure I can help you. What's the question?

    self:
    I have a device which displays and records TV from a digital cable source, and it can't find any channels through your service. Having spent much of the night researching this, I think your digital signals require a cable box to decrypt where the analog ones do not. I'm seeking confirmation that this is the case so I can decide how to proceed from here. Do you provide a "Clear QAM" signal to your digital cable customers?

    cable rep:
    This device... Is it a television?

    self:
    Try to focus on the encryption part.

    cable rep:
    But, is it a television?

    self:
    Televisions don't record, ma'am. And if the words "Clear QAM" didn't ring a bell, I'm talking to the wrong person.

    cable rep:
    Right. I'm trying to figure out where to transfer you.

    self:
    Upwards in this department. It's a Cable TV support question which isn't in your database, and which you're not qualified to answer.

    cable rep:
    So, it is a television?

    self:
    Let's say for the sake of argument that it's an HDTV which, for some ungodly reason, is incapable of displaying standard NTSC television signals. You've stuck a wire in my wall, which I can confirm carries standard NTSC television signals, and you've upgraded subscription to also include digital programming. I need to know if that's sufficient for what I'm trying to do, or if a second cable box is then required. Does that provide you with the requisite buzzwords?

    cable rep:
    I don't understand.

    self:
    Hence, the "please elevate my call to second-tier" theme running throughout this conversation.

    cable rep:
    This is a television?

    self:
    You're trying to make me say the word "computer" so you can jump to the wrong conclusion.

    cable rep:
    I thought so! That changes everything.

    self:
    This isn't an internet question. I'm very specifically asking about your cable television.

    cable rep:
    But, it's plugged into a computer?

    self:
    It is.

    cable rep:
    Let me transfer you to Intenet Support.

    self:
    No! Stupid! Don't do that!

    internet rep:
    How can I help you?

    self:
    You can transfer me to somebody high enough in the organization to know the difference between a Cable and an Internet question, who will in turn not transfer me back to your department.

    internet rep:
    What seems to be the problem?

    self:
    * much repeating from earlier *

    internet rep:
    That would be a question for Cable support.

    self:
    It is. But they transferred me here rather than to their superiors who could actually help.

    internet rep:
    Hold, please. I'll redirect the call.

    self:
    You know they're going to send me back to you in ten minutes, right?

    on-hold music:
    This is it! Make no mistake where you are -- your back's to the corner...

    self:
    You tryin' to tell me something, Michael McDonald?
...and I'm hung up upon.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
davidwithaknife
Feb. 22nd, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC)
Stupid, stupid, stupid people.

If only that woman had done as you politely asked her to in the first place, you would be a much happier person.

Just for the sake of curiosity, what kind of machine is it that this whole debacle is about?
speedball
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:56 pm (UTC)
Get insistent
Call back. Don't explain the problem to the person at all. Tell them you need the next level up, and don't take "I'm sure I can help you" as an answer. If absolutely necessary, tell them you were already transferred to Tier 2, but were disconnected somehow before you could get a Trouble Ticket or Reference Number...

And of course, Michael McDonald is always trying to tell you something. But, often, the lyrics are so hard to understand, you miss the message.
self
Feb. 24th, 2006 03:06 am (UTC)
Or...
I could just assume the answer. All evidence points to "they don't do what I need."
lizzvoltage
Feb. 23rd, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)
i read through this. i, oh, god, ask me some time to tell you about the NIGHTMARE that was getting my DSL up and running. ;uafkdasjhgfkdasjfkdashg;klajfhjklafjdshfklds
self
Feb. 24th, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)
that brings back memories
Getting DSL installed that first time was a bitch and a half. It's been much better lately -- I guess it was a new service to the area when I first started, or there wasn't any competition for them to keep up with. Not sure. Whatever changed, I'm glad for it.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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