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inverting introversion in... green?

The phrase "try to relax" isn't an oxymoron, gramatically speaking. It's self-defeating, but not contradictory.

You might guess from these words that I'm not a person for whom casual behavior comes naturally. And you'd guess correctly.

Lately, I've been an introvert trying to be social, and I have to think that the terrible awkwardness of it must be pretty funny if you're not me.

...and most of you aren't, so I've decided to share.

---

Hey, wanna hear the worst conversation opener ever?
    them:
    What are you laughing at?

    me:
    Internal dialog. My conscience said something funny.

    them:
    Okay...

    me:
    You had to be there.

And, I guess I'll save you the trouble of asking -- these were the thoughts which derailed me so completely as I searched for the next word after "Hello":
    #1:
    If you suspect a conversation is about to turn awkward, there's no better way to jump on the grenade than by spontaneously asking if the other person has accepted Jesus into their heart.

    #2:
    The "shotgun theory" doesn't actually work if your approach is repugnant enough.
Anyway... Most of my friends live just far enough away now that we never see each other, so I'm trying to make a few new ones to suppliment the collection. I don't know how I ended up with the batch I've got, to be honest. They must have found me, 'cause I am just not good at this.

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